Happy Valentine's Day - Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I know I’ve spoken about it before, and I don’t doubt that at some point I will speak about it again, but please, for the love of God, put down your fucking iPhone.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and whether you’re on the “Snuggly-bear I wuvs you so much, you’re my honey boo-boo for evers!” lobby, or whether you’re riding shotgun throwing flaming bags of dog shit onto couples from the top of the “This is just an excuse for Hallmark to make money! What a bunch of commercialist claptrap, I can’t believe people would buy into this blarney! I am an independent person with very high self-esteem and don’t need a dying flower to cement my belief in myself!” bandwagon, I would like to think that we could possibly agree on one thing: If you are out on a date, leave your fucking smart phone in your fucking pocket.

Husband and I forgo presents and will go out to eat or participate in an activity for days that are special to us. Anniversaries, birthdays, things like that. For Valentine’s Day this year, we went to Gingerboy in Crossley St in Melbourne’s CBD. I’m going to make a little aside here, and say that if you go to Gingerboy and want a cocktail, get yourself a Lustful Revenge. It’s like Ribena and Turkish delight had a baby. An alcoholic baby and that baby is AWESOME. Anyway, there are a million reviews out there and everybody knows Gingerboy is amazing, so you don’t need me telling you how great it is. My point is that out of the completely full dining room, Husband and I win the most romantic couple award. We may win by default, but by God, that counts.

Everybody in the restaurant, apart from us, at some stage pulled out their phones. It was obvious by the bluish tinge on their faces as they furiously tapped at their crotchal region. The couple next to us spent the entire night on their iPhones. I think at some point they were even texting each other. The couple on the other side lasted most of the night until the girl pulled out her phone to tweet “OMG… Why is this so spicy? Why would curry be spicy? It’s inedible!” I know this because she said the same thing out loud, multiple times before sending her food back. Here’s a hint love, if something says chilli crusted, chances are it’s going to be hot.

I thought I had made a silent alliance with a couple sitting adjacent to us who were also sniggering at the texting couple until I glanced back sometime mid-Wagyu beef and they were tapping away at a suspiciously phone shaped object. Honestly, it breaks my heart. A guy in my company gave his girlfriend 12 long stemmed roses, a heart shaped box of chocolates, a fluffy dog toy and a Tiffany & Co ring this Valentine’s Day. My husband gave me the best present of all though, his attention and the gift of his conversation.