I live in an old house. It has lots of wood panelling. At some point in history this was considered attractive. Maybe around the time copious amounts of hallucinogenic drugs were being taken. Maybe not. But probably.
This, combined with the outside shutters makes the bedroom quite dark. We have blinds that cover most of the window, as blinds are supposed to.
However, the sun is a cheeky bastard. A sneaky, cheeky, ninja bastard.
The sun will shimmy on in through the tiny spaces that the blinds leave between the windows and the blinds and shine its evil light directly into my eyes at absurd times of the morning. It’s like it’s aiming for me with tiny sniper lasers of brightness.
This, combined with the outside shutters makes the bedroom quite dark. We have blinds that cover most of the window, as blinds are supposed to.
However, the sun is a cheeky bastard. A sneaky, cheeky, ninja bastard.
The sun will shimmy on in through the tiny spaces that the blinds leave between the windows and the blinds and shine its evil light directly into my eyes at absurd times of the morning. It’s like it’s aiming for me with tiny sniper lasers of brightness.
This is unacceptable to me. It so happens, also, that across the road from my house is a store. A very big store that sells vacuum cleaners. It has lights all over its awning that flash on and off at regular intervals all night. It’s like there’s a really lame disco in my bedroom and no one is having fun.
One night lying in bed amid the awkward strobing of 47 light bulbs, an idea came to me.
One night lying in bed amid the awkward strobing of 47 light bulbs, an idea came to me.
Motherfucking Batman!
I would turn this room into my very own Batcave. I would be motherfucking Batman! Just without the homoerotic subtext. Or the saving people bit. Or the billions of dollars. Or the butler. Or the outfit. Or the nemesis’s (nemesi?). But apart from all that, just like Batman!
I leapt out of bed and ran to the study to snatch up some tape. Returning to the bedroom, I turned on the light and began to tape the edges of the blinds to the wood panelling that the windows are set in.
Husband was understandably confused. He was even more so when I would only answer his increasingly puzzled questions with “Motherfucking Batman!”
My taping duty complete, I climbed back into bed and turned off the light. Total and complete blackness, pure and unrelieved dark abounded. It was black as pitch and scary as shit. It was perfect.
When visitors come over, I like to put them in there with the lights off and close the door. Sometimes I even let them come out again.
I leapt out of bed and ran to the study to snatch up some tape. Returning to the bedroom, I turned on the light and began to tape the edges of the blinds to the wood panelling that the windows are set in.
Husband was understandably confused. He was even more so when I would only answer his increasingly puzzled questions with “Motherfucking Batman!”
My taping duty complete, I climbed back into bed and turned off the light. Total and complete blackness, pure and unrelieved dark abounded. It was black as pitch and scary as shit. It was perfect.
When visitors come over, I like to put them in there with the lights off and close the door. Sometimes I even let them come out again.
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